A guy who clearly sucks

Everyone at one time or another will realize that they somewhat suck as a human being. Whether you are simply socially inept or a complete jerk, other people will not like you. There are some very simple ways to overcome your own personal suckiness.

  1. The first step to not sucking is determining why you suck. Are you stupid? Are you fat? Are you lazy? Is there a generally unpleasant odor that follows you around wherever you go? Does common everyday conversation overwhelm you? Do you find yourself constantly attacking other people for being different from you?It is often times difficult to find the correct answers to all of these questions. The best way to find out for certain is to ask young children. All you need to do is ask a child what is wrong with you and they will likely have plenty of good starting points.
  2. If you wear glasses get contacts. If you don’t like contacts get a cool pair of sunglasses. This will make people think that you are a cooler person than you actually are.
  3. Quit eating so much crap and start exercising. The fatter you are, the more angry you become at the world around you. The sooner you become a healthy person physically, the sooner you will become less of a jerk.
  4. Quit focusing on why other people suck. Yes you are not the only one who sucks. And you may not suck as bad as that guy over there. But their suckiness is not your problem. The more you worry about why other people suck the more you will develop a negative outlook on life and the more you will suck.
  5. If you are stupid, start learning. There is more information generated every hour on the internet than anyone had access to in their entire lifetime 100 years ago. It is amazing how simple the world really is when you start learning how things work. If you want to know how the pretty moving pictures get on your TV screen, go to wikipedia and find out!
  6. Do you hate people who are different from you? Whether or not we dare admit it, most people have a significant amount of dislike towards one particular race, religion, or other group of people. Make a friend. If you hate gay people, make a gay friend. If you hate Italians, go down to the buca di beppo and meet one of the chefs. You will find that although every group really does have their quirks, people are people and you can learn to like them.This may be the most common reason for sucking. And it is often the most difficult to change. Start small. If you hate red heads start with a strawberry-blond, and ease your way into the true gingers. If you hate old people start by meeting people just a few years older than yourself, then try ten years older, then try twenty years older.
  7. Finally and most importantly, smile. Happy people don’t usually suck as bad.